Abu_Maryam

36

British revert looking to achieve half my deen

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Abu_Maryam
Abu_Maryam
+11
My Sect
Sunni
Religiousness
Somewhat religious
My Profession
Civil service
Marital Status
Divorced
County/State
Greater Manchester
Country
United Kingdom
Registration Reason
I'm registering to find myself a partner

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A Little Bit About Me
Asalaam Alaykum wa Rahmatullah

I am a 36 year old male revert.

My British name is Rory however my Muslim name is Umar and my Kunya is Abu Maryam.

Insha’allah I am seeking a good and honest wife.

I would like you to hear about my journey within Islam. I am conscious that some may judge me on my past so please bear with me and have patience and insha’allah even if you do not see me as a suitable husband that you atleast hear about a reverts perspective growing up and living in the UK.

My story;

I remember being brought up to always have respect for others regardless of race, nationality or faith.

I remember as a young boy maybe around 9 years old asking my parents about God and they decided to send me to a Roman Catholic Church to learn about God. They didn’t particularly follow a faith at all themselves.

Learning from the Catholics it just felt like something was missing and as much as the church tried to tell me that God was three entities I just couldn’t accept it but as a young child I was baptised regardless.

There was something in my heart telling me that God doesn’t need to be three, that God can’t have been a man in the form of Jesus or that he was his son or even to pray to statues of Mary or Jesus in the church just didn’t make any sense.

It made sense in my mind that Jesus must’ve been given guidance and sent by god, I felt his example was one I should try to follow but when I prayed from my heart it was to God alone. I never felt it right to pray to another person or being when God created everything.

I remember at school people would laugh or I would be embarrassed to talk about faith so I kept quiet and didn’t share my thoughts.

My eldest sister eventually left home and soon after reverted to Islam when I was around 12 years old.

I recall seeing the positive change in her lifestyle and having respect for her faith.

I was not the most academic person through school and didn’t do well with my GCSE’s.

I ended up joining the British Army from school at 17 and in November 2006 I was deployed on a peace keeping tour to Iraq.

I remember my sister being really upset that I was going to a conflict zone and giving me advice about Islam before going out there and I listened to everything she had to say.

When I arrived I quickly built up a really positive relationship with the local Iraqi’s who worked on our military base near to Shaibah.

I would tell them of my sister and that she was a revert. They would ask me many things and overtime we became good friends. The Iraqi’s would call me sadiqi.

They would say to me that they would pray one day I would become Muslim too just like my sister. I would strangely never say to them no or even reject this idea.

As soon as I arrived back in the UK in May 2007 I felt in my heart I needed to explore what Islam was and I began to read about Islam.
Firstly understanding the pillars of Islam, learning about Eeman and then about Ihsan.

It was like it was what I had been searching for my entire life.
It made the most perfect sense in my heart.

I spoke about my change in my faith to the padre at the army camp I was based at and his whole reaction to me wanting to change my faith and to worship Allah alone made me question further why they were so opposed to this.

I decided that I needed to leave the Army and alhamdu’lillah a week after leaving in November 2007 I had taken my shahadah.

It was an overwhelming feeling of being shown the right path and I fully accept that there is only one god and Muhammad is his messenger.

I tried my hardest to learn as much as I possibly could. I was swarmed by the Brothers at the mosque to practice fully and I quickly started to pray 5 times a day, I would fast Ramadan I would give away in charity and would volunteer to do Dawah.

If I look back and reflect I think I possibly tried to make too many changes too quickly.
I neglected worldly thoughts and focussed entirely upon my faith and the Aqirah.

I eventually got married to a British born Pakistani and at first her parents had been averse to our marriage however they did eventually accept me.

What I found particularly hard was I was being told by the brothers what a good Muslim was and I ended up finding it difficult to adjust between trying to achieve this and being part of a Pakistani family and their culture as opposed to how my British upbringing had been.

We eventually had two beautiful daughters in 2009 and 2010 alhamdu’lillah.

However we grew further and further apart as a married couple to the point we eventually agreed that it was for the best to separate. We got divorced in June 2011.

I then found myself back at home with my parents and my faith began to wain.

I did meet a British woman who at first I thought someday she may have her heart opened up to Islam. We got married and I had my son with her in 2017.

For whatever reason I slowly lost myself to worldly things. I wouldn’t pray as I once did. I eventually stopped practicing Islam however my heart would ache and I was torn internally knowing that I still had belief in Allah (SWT) and would pray or make dua that one day he would guide me right again.

I eventually got divorced from my second wife in January 2022 and it had got to a point where I knew that I needed to get my faith back.

I just found it difficult in my mind thinking how could Allah forgive me for neglecting my prayer, for not fasting and for being sinful. I know that this was just my own weakness and shaytan trying to misguide me. My belief in Allah (SWT) and that there is only one God and Muhammad is his messenger never faltered I just struggled to practice my faith.

Alhamdu’lillah I have been guided back to practicing my faith again. I have made my Taubah to Allah (SWT) and Alhamdu’lillah I am praying 5 times a day, I am currently regrowing my beard and I have rejected everything that is no longer halal for me.

I am doing my very best to make sure I take care of my soul and insha’allah I am kept on the right path.

I know in my heart that I need to keep my faith strong and that I will undoubtedly be tested again.

I currently work as a Custodial Manager within a prison in charge of the Safet Custody department aiming to reduce violence, self harm and suicide amongst a highly volatile prison population. Alhamdu’lillah I find my work very rewarding and I hope that seeing a positive person in such a dark and hopeless place can help to rehabilitate the prisoners.

I would describe my madhab as being Hanbali and aim to follow closely to the Quran’s teachings, to learn from the prophet Muhammad’s (SAW) sayings/hadeeth from Sahih bukhari and Sahih Muslim.

Insha’allah I hope that for those of you still reading and can relate to my struggle please give thought to the next time you meet a revert that even though Allah (SWT) has guided them to the right path they still need all of the support we as an ummah can give them.

Insha’allah for any of the sisters reading this who believe that I may make a good husband that they understand my journey and can accept that I have children who I have to give my time to.

Insha’allah I would like someone who would be willing to accept that I am still learning (as we all are) and that together we can make our lives pleasing to Allah (SWT).

Insha’allah I would like to meet another revert or someone who is willing to accept religion over cultural issues. Perhaps an Arab born or Arabic speaking person would also be good as this is something Insha’allah I need to learn and perhaps best to learn Arabic in the home.

Asalaam alaykum wa rahmatullah

Umar (Abu Maryam)

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What I Am Looking For
I do not judge based upon race, cultural background or previous experiences.

It would be my preference to find another revert or an Arabic speaking wife. However this isn’t a must. My only ask is that they truly believe and want to reach the aqirah.

I would want to meet a woman who is willing to accept me as a new man who is seeking to gain Allah’s (swt) forgiveness and blessing.

Ideally a woman who accepts that I have 2 daughters who are dual heritage British Pakistani and then my son who is British.

My daughters have been brought up with the Islamic faith however my 6 year old son at present is not and Insha’allah one day he will be but I have limited control over his mothers wishes and it is my hope that allah guide his heart to Islam.

His little soul is the perfect example of fitrah as he entirely believes in God without any formative religious education, he simply understands and believes in god in the simplest of ways however I am not in a position to project Islam onto him. All I can do is show him how I pray, talk simply of what I believe and hope that as he grows he is guided to the right path.

I need someone who can understand this situation and help me to show Islam in a positive way that my son is guided right.

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Personal Information
My Citizenship
British
Country of Origin
United Kingdom
Willing to Relocate?
Locally
I am Looking to Marry
Unsure
My Income
over 50,000
Marital Status
Divorced
Would I like to have Children?
Yes
Do I have children?
I have three children
My Living Arrangements?
I Live Alone
Country
United Kingdom
County/State
Greater Manchester
Distance
unknown
Appearance
My Height
1.83m (6' 0")
My Build
Medium
My Hair Colour
Bald
Colour of My Eyes
Brown
Do I Smoke?
I've stopped smoking
Do I Have Any Disabilities?
No
Education
My Education Level
High school
Subject I Studied
High school educated
Language
My First Language
English
My Second Language
English
Work
My Profession
Civil service
My Job Title
Prison Service Custodial Manager
Religion
Religiousness
Somewhat religious
My Sect
Sunni
Hijab/Niqab
Prefer not to say
Beard
Yes
Are You a Revert?
Yes
Do You Keep Halal?
I Always Keep Halal
Do You Perform Salaah?
Always